Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Tomatoes aren't round in Uganda

What we think of as 'perfection' in the West is different to that here in Uganda.

Take the ladies bottom, most people in the Western World are still striving for the size 8, non visible butt (although Beyonce has changed this a little!)- the pert and fat bottomed girls are loved here by more than just Freddie Mercury! The big "kabina' is what everyone wants!

Cars that are 'perfect' here in Uganda, are ones that run for the best part of the year. Or, like mine, has the sense to break down withing the city boundaries!!We also coo over cars where the rust stays at bay on a small patch on the roof; a losing battle here!!

Fruit and vegetables are another important example. My tasty tomatoes are not round, but an oval shape. If I do find round ones, (sometimes in the South African shop Shoprite) I  wonder how they got like that! My avos look like they have been pumped with steroids (they are so big they can be used to help those smalled bottomed ladies!) but they are naturally so. I know this because I often try to nab them off neighbouring trees!
My clothes have holes all over them from hand washing, but I don't fret...everyone elses do too! They all look great!
My hair is never perfect (this is no breaking news!) because of dust, pollution, dodgy water, lack of hairdryer and through laziness.
The 'perfet' partner in Uganda is one that is single...well for at least 3 nights a week! My friends and I often joke that the longer we are here the cheese will taste better and the men will become attractive!

The wine selection in Uganda has a lot to answer for. Wine is still something newly available here, so we basically get the unwanted bottles from South Africa's wine cellar. However, when it is chilled and opened for sundowners on safari, the wine could not taste any better.

The local insects try to ruin these moments of perfection or just want to get-in on some action.(This is when you can spot how long your drinking buddies have been on the continent).I once read that there are three type of  ways to dealing with an insect landing in your beer. The first is to order a new drink; this person obviously has just landed in Africa. The second is to remove the said beast and continue to drink the beer; this person has been here for a substantial amount of time. The third type of person will notice the insect in the drink, but drinks it anyway. They are in Africa for the long-haul.
(I always watch for this. My friend recently took hers out and drank, but as it was a moth the size of her mouth I let her off!)

Lots of things here in Uganda may not be 'perfect',my tomatoes are not round, but somethings  are in a whole level of its own -potholes is one and the other is sundowners underneath the African sky. Blink and you'll miss the sunset, but the blanket of stars that surround you will more than make up for it.